An Afterthought....

For as long as I can remember in my life I have been like my own afterthought....I have for the most part put others first, thought of them more highly then I have myself (sometimes reluctantly), and just been a giver all my life...some of u out there may say "so do u or everyone does it why are u whining?"...But I have now come 2 the realize that's simply not true...There really are true born takers on this great earth of ours....When they take they leave nothing for anyone else...and if there's more 2 get they will come back and finish getting what's left (dare I say the crumbs even)...I use 2 wish that I could be that way just a little bit...But then as I look at or even think of a person who has the ability 2 suck the life out of another human being and not think twice...well let's just say I opted out on that wish...Takers are every where...they are in every races, in every nation, every country, and every family....Now I know there are some families out there that can really hold it together and look real good, but everyone has some dirt...It's just that some have more then others and their dirt seems 2 be under the spotlight more...I won't tell u that I don't have some dirt cause I do...I've said ugly things about people in my life, I've been rude, I've reared an ugly attitude more then I would care 2 admit...so I'm not throwing any stones at anyone....However I can honestly say I have never been a taker but always a giver....I have done my best 2 live up 2 the standards that I place on myself...Cause in the end the only person I can make change in is Me...Which is why I say I am my own afterthought...In friendship I give, in parenting I give, in loving those who are sometimes difficult 2 love I give, in finances I give, in labor I give and I could continue but I'm sure u get the point intended...But 2 myself I tend 2 TAKE so that I can continue 2 give 2 others....sounds crazy but it's true...I use 2 think that this was sacrificial and loving BUT now I know that it has been ignorance on my part...I guess I have finally awaken and the truth is staring me right in my face...Yes I am my own afterthought... I tend 2 mistreat myself and even the ones that I love and cherish the most at times (if u don't believe me just ask my family)....But if u need help and I can help u (if ur receiving of the help) I will give it, if u call me in the middle of the night and u need an ear 2 cry in (u guessed it) u can call me, if u need should have been my middle name....I sometimes can't help but 2 help... I just forget that I am human and I have limits, boundaries, and can't continue 2 give when I have nothing 2 left 2 give....It's amazing how the mind can convince u that u can go a little bit more before u stop 2 recharge...But I also know now that the mind must be given sirens 2 set off within us so that we know that it's time 2 recharge...I look at technology and they are making everything "idiot proof" these days...But the mind seems 2 be able 2 be tripped up, brainwashed, and manipulated into believing something that is a lie and not truth...Some things are fact but just not truth...Yes I am my own afterthought....But I am pulling over at a rest area 2 recharge...So that I can continue 2 give.....