pain

every time i look back over my life i sometimes forget the gain in my life. u know all the good things that has happened and that are still happening. no not me i tend 2 reflect on the pain. i do this by constantly wondering what i could have done differently 2 prevent certain things from happening. i ponder on those things til i realize there was really nothing i could have done 2 change certain things. There are some things in life that u just don't get a choice in the matter. a good example is whether or not a person likes u or loves u..that is something we can't control. a person has 2 choose 2 like u or love u. u don't get 2 choose if a person is honest with u so there's the risk of getting hurt. trusting a person, that is a choice u get 2 make. yet there is still no guarantee they will trust u in return..or how about those people who have been wounded so badly that they tend 2 make every one who comes into their lives pay for another person's mistake. pain is crazy! it makes u do some silly things 2 keep your guard up. i have found that it takes more work 2 keep that guard up or hide behind a mask then it is 2 just reveal the person u are. since u can only choose 4 yourself. why not choose 2 be u? if there is pain don't hide it, but don't make everyone pay for it either. healing comes when u uncover the wound. by doing so u may end up with an ugly scar and scars they remind us of the pain. some of them can be faded down or almost away but it never fully leaves u. it may not appear 2 be there but if u run your hand in the spot it was u will find it is still there. along with the memory of how it got there. i have lots of physical scars that have healed. but then i have those invisible scars that no one can see or even know about(except me,God,and the person). u know like when someone says something or does something 2 u. we have some scandalous people in our day and time. u tell them something in confidence they tell others or what about those past relationships where the person tells u they love u only 2 get some of your goods and leave u with that i'll never let that happen again scar. then there are the invisible scars that u have caused and wish u could do differently. u know the ones where if u would have known what u know now moments. u wouldn't have done it or said it. yes the invisible scars they are the worst. sometimes they never come 2 their full healing potential because someone or something reminds u of their pain. most of the time the person don't even know they are wounding u all over again. what do we do with our pain? we hide it, build walls,put on a mask and even lose control of who we are because of it. i have decided that in spite of all the pain i have been through this past year and the pain of my future i am going 2 start looking for the gain in it all. after all i refuse 2 believe i go through pain without some type of gain in life..the old saying is really true..if you have no pain in life then what do u gain? and i haven't met a person on this earth that hasn't experienced Pain....